Fatshion

Channeling Leslie Hall (Aussie Curves)

I recently discovered the blog Danimezza, who has this awesomely cool #aussiecurves outfit photo challenge of the week, specifically for us fierce bitches. And it’s part of an Australian blogroll. I get to be part of a BLOGROLL!! *squeals*
This week the theme is “secondhand”, and that’s kind of perfect for my maiden entry post because about 90% of my main wardrobe pieces are thrifted (Savers 4 lyf m/). But it also meant I had a really tough choice on my hands! In the end, I went with this shiny little number for 3 reasons:
  1. This much bedazzlment across my chest makes me feel like one of my favouritest people-I-don’t-know-in-real-life, in the whole world: Leslie Hall. And what’s not to love about that?
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Bitch needs to stop hogging all the awesome
(I stole that quote from a meme, but it’s true)
  1. It’s one of my more recent purchases, and I haven’t worn it yet.
  2. This dress SCARES me. Why? Because it’s moderately tight-fitting around the lower half. I usually wear fuller skirted clothes, because I am top heavy, and I “need” to balance out my upper half. I NEED to. Because that’s more FLATTERING for my figure. You know what? I flippin’ love this dress, it makes me happy, so FUCK FLATTERING.
For the majority of my life, i’ve been conforming to society’s conditioning of what is and isn’t acceptable to put on my already unacceptable body. What will make me look better, and what will make me look worse. I’ve gotten to the point where I both feel AND think that’s just ridiculous. I have a fat tummy. I have a fat tummy in the nude, in pants, in a victorian bustle dress, in a spacesuit, in a kaftan, in anything and everything I could possibly wear. I actually ain’t fooling no-one. And I actually don’t have to.
So. I wore this dress. I wore it all damn day. And you know what? Nobody said anything, nobody looked at me funny. In fact, the splits up the side were kind of higher than I realised when I sat down, so I think a few people were checkin’ out my damn fine thighs.
. . . . . . . . .
THE STORY OF “THE DRESS”
a picture book
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Shh… let’s just take all cleverly positioned photos, mostly with my back to the camera.
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Alright, i’ll turn round. But MAN this is uncomfortable. It’s all CLINGY.
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Oh my GAWD, it looks like i’m pregnant! What’ll I say if anyone asks?
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How about “bitch please, it’s an iced coffee baby”?
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Followed by “ooh, did someone say donuts?”
And so, in summary:

 

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FUCK FLATTERING

Some other “faux-pas” fashion goals for this year are to wear a pencil skirt, a wiggle dress, and *gasp* a CROP TOP.

Do you guys have a “scary” dress? What is it? Have you worn it?? Link me! 😀

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  • That post was so much fun! I love your attitude 🙂

  • Kobi Jae

    Aw fanks a bunch! I really appreciate the lovely comment! 🙂 x

  • Kobi Jae

    Hahaha yay! That's so incredibly sweet of you! I look forward to more of your posts too! 🙂 x

  • So, um, I have a bit of a girly crush on you, like woah!! Love the dress! Also, my dream piercings are my cheeks, i'm just toooo scared! You look amaze!

  • Kobi Jae

    Yay! Thanks Alex! 😀 Now I'll be looking for ridiculous narratives in all my future outfits, just for you 😛

  • ohh i love this dress, it's gorgeous!
    my scary dress is my pin up girl clothing erin dress – its super sexy but oh so tight and low!

  • Alexandra Sherriff

    HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA omg this is the best maiden entry post. Please continue doing picture books, this was the best.

    Also I really love that dress– if you ever feel like it needs another loving home… well, I'm over here 😉

  • Kobi Jae

    Wow! Tight AND low! Snaps to you! 🙂